Throwing the Lamp at the Wall

Its time to get my act back together and face the oncoming obstacles of my future. Focus.

Chess lesson 101:
Every move must have a purpose, must have an intent. If a move is done without thinking, or without planning...then the move is wasted. Many times, the result is not only just the loss of a piece but the loss of the entire game. I miss chess...

If i'm going to be hurt...it better be worth it...i rather it be for her.

sigh...everyday that goes by...my feelings for her grow stronger and stronger. I want to be with her, but fate has other plans. Time is ever my enemy. When distances grow long and time together diminishes, feelings die and memories fade. It will definitely be hard to forget and numb my feelings when its time to leave. My feelings had been true ever since the first moment. Its just that time never allowed it to achieve its goal. Unfortunately, soon i will be leaving for college with my eyes looking towards my future studies and heart trapped in the memories of high school. Will i ever forget? I do hope not. Will she forget? Only time will tell.

Its true that it feels good to trust someone...only and only if the other person trusts you back. So why does it feel like deja vu all over again...what did I do wrong this time?? Someone tell me...what did I do wrong? I hate starting over...

prom...
the whole day was amazing itself. Woke up at 9 to buy stuff with ben. then went to chris house to wash car with jesse, brian, and chris. it was squeaky clean after that! Then we vacuumed the car plus add freshners. Then i bummed around til i have to get ready. Put on my tux and couldnt leave the house until my mom had taken a pic of me. I hurried to xc's house. Rang the doorbell...and wow...
xc was drop dead gorgeous...i think i was speechless for awhile.=D Her parents took pictures of us together in the house. After all that, I couldnt find the perfect time to give her the gift...unfortunately, the perfect time never really presented itself, until the last few minutes before she had to leave from afterprom. I know that i'm adding pressure and confusion to her life, and i'm sorry for that. I would rather have tried and not regret it later than not have tried at all and regret it for the rest of my life. Ben was rite...i would have regret it later if i had not tried. I knew what i was getting into since the beginning. i just wanted to make a girl feel special...

Sigh...things take time...yet time is always against me. I hope the butterfly will guide you and protect you wherever you may go. =)

What i deserve...
what do i deserve??? It really doesnt matter what happens...i just want to be by your side. i know, and maybe i'm rushing things a bit. time...it is never on my side. sigh...i remember, that nite...when i was with you, i made a promise to myself that i would give this a chance and give my whole heart to you. i dont intend on breaking that promise, even if it's to myself. I dont deserve anything...i just want to be by your side...